So I created a site for mine (see link at right) and have started to rework a piece I started a while back. There is a section for comments, and since I registered my site on the register, any other participant can come and read it, make comments or send encouraging emails.
The other day, I found this comment from a helpful reader. Nan, from California, who won a few little prizes for her erotic writings, sent me this:
I've noticed that there is a difference in the formality of language that you use for your main character's thoughts and for her dialogue. I like the flow of the dialogue and I think you should include more of it in the story. I think that there is too much telling the reader what is happening and not enough showing, so if you have a paragraph giving us the characters' thoughts or emotions, consider using the characters to show us with their dialogue. I also was curious about the main character's sexual response to this man. She sleeps with him, although you cut from the passionate kiss to the morning after. I think you could show us a bit more of their physical relationship, particularly if you are going to have her make comments like "I made love to a baron."
Good luck with this; the story seems to have promise.
Hmm. Um, thanks, Nan. Really.