samedi, mars 27, 2004


Store my stuff in a Paris warehouse : $110 a month

Send it all back to Atlanta : $4,000

Be rid of that troublesome American forever : Priceless

Apparently, according to the Insulation Branch, I should "understand" - as in, "Vous comprendrez, on est oblige de vous renvoyer vos affaires." I am not sure what conclusion I am supposed to jump to here, or why it is the only obvious choice. I'm only an administrative assistant, after all, but if it were up to me to decide whether to spend $4,000 or $110 a month, I know what I would do, if only in the interest of logic and saving my company some dough. But this is not about money, now is it, people? It is about erasing traces of a failure. It is about not being reminded of uncomfortable things such as a girl who upturned her life at your insistence only to be turned away at the last minute. A girl who is deeply disappointed that her dream did not happen.

It makes people uncomfortable, this dream thing. Especially French people who do not know me. Like Jerome. (Real friends, of course, are unfailingly supportive.) Does Jerome have a dream? Has he tried to achieve it? How many of these random people, in chat rooms or at a restaurant, have reacted negatively to this dream of mine? How many times have I heard:

"Life is difficult in Paris" (~25 times)

"Life is expensive in Paris" (~100 times)

"It rains all the time in Paris" (~55 times)

"People are cold and unfriendly in Paris" (~27 times)

I am a very determined gal. Rain, I can handle. I have a very funky raincoat. Unfriendly people? A cinch. Expensive? Not compared to Atlanta. Difficult? Since when is life not difficult? Visa refusal? I'll wait for a different job offer. One that isn't an assistant level. One where they need an American blonde who speaks 5 languages and can relate to rural Southern blacks as well as blue collar French technicians.

Nevertheless, this blind insistence at sending my stuff back makes me think the management position in 2005 is no longer open to me. Because otherwise, why make that decision? Then again, it could mean nothing at all, except that it is normale, vous comprendrez to send the person's shit back when the visa gets refused.

I'm sick of trying to interpret something I don't understand. I've decided to look at it like this : my visa got refused for this job offer. I cannot go now. I must wait for a better job opportunity. My stuff is being sent back and will be in a warehouse in Atlanta instead of Paris. I am saving money by not paying rent and living with my mom. I am writing a story, and it's going well. My time will come.

Il faut laisser le temps au temps.

Damn, that man is sexy.

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